i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Church boner. Awkwardddd
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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