How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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