You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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