and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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