pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
