yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
