Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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