dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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