If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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