My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
