I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
