"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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