already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
