He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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