im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
There are leaves in my underwear?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize