Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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