Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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