it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
