Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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