i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
