I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
do nipples grow back?
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