Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
