They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
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Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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