I cannot find my penis.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
