i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
