i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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