Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
one might say we're banned from that church
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
