Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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