What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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