I smell stomach acid.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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