i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
