I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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