So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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