i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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