Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
