We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
