3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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