i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
