It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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