he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
