remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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