apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
