i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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