Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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