if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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