Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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