My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
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I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's shark week go big or go home
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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