I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
