His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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