ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
