i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
