are you so shy because you have an std?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
