i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Panties = found
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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