Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
