We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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