I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There are leaves in my underwear?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
