dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
