I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
