dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
