Im at strip club and am horny
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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