ugly people sure do ruin things
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
