New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
