you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
