so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
