I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
