I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
God, I missed his penis.
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