Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What did we do last night that was yellow?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
