I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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