I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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