Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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