i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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