i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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