i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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