'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
