Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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