My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
