After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
