you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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