you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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