I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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