The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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