Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
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I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
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did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.