Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions

(617): View more from Massachusetts

you want 1 or 2 eggos?

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(617): i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions (617): you want 1 or 2 eggos? http://tfl.nu/kwdg

Replies (2) Good night (2048) Bad night (608)
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(937): View more from Ohio

you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.

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(937): you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with. http://tfl.nu/ct1p

Replies (40) Good night (5968) Bad night (957)
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(301): View more from Maryland

You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain

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(301): You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain http://tfl.nu/26nd

Replies (10) Good night (4191) Bad night (1315)
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(916): View more from California

17 year olds will be the death of me.

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(916): 17 year olds will be the death of me. http://tfl.nu/j3yc

Replies (36) Good night (3815) Bad night (2885)
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(678): View more from Georgia

Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.

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(678): Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date. http://tfl.nu/ovv7

Replies (3) Good night (2958) Bad night (840)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?

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(615): Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER? http://tfl.nu/yz8w

Replies (14) Good night (5547) Bad night (1251)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go

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(215): i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go http://tfl.nu/3dxd

Replies (8) Good night (7003) Bad night (990)
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(347): View more from New York

He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.

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(347): He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones. http://tfl.nu/swc2

Replies (4) Good night (799) Bad night (2839)
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(678): View more from Georgia

thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?

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(678): thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right? http://tfl.nu/2evi

Replies (7) Good night (2181) Bad night (1063)
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(706): View more from Georgia

I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.

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(706): I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable. http://tfl.nu/ug12

Replies (3) Good night (1370) Bad night (822)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.

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(814): Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/kb3m

Replies (11) Good night (2440) Bad night (725)
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(309): View more from Illinois

I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked

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(309): I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked http://tfl.nu/2y25

Replies (5) Good night (927) Bad night (385)
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(360): View more from Washington

I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.

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(360): I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise. http://tfl.nu/2iu1

Replies (7) Good night (1653) Bad night (425)
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(702): View more from Nevada

You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.

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(702): You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe. http://tfl.nu/iy8l

Replies (7) Good night (1298) Bad night (310)
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(219): View more from Indiana

That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.

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(219): That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/gqrn

Replies (3) Good night (373) Bad night (484)

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