Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.