Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.