Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
