Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.

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(850): View more from Florida

Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(253): View more from Washington

Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

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(786): View more from Florida

She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

(305): View more from Florida

I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.

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(512): View more from Texas

I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."

(512): View more from Texas

No more tequila EVER.

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(205): View more from Alabama

you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone

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