I wish I could punch you in the face.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
