I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
PS: I just woke up from my shower
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
